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Showing posts from October, 2009

Losing my Religion

I was a little girl who's mother carried bible trax in her purse. Every time we left the house I prayed a little prayer that no one needed their souls saved at the grocery store. It was an embarrassment of the Christ kind. No one was safe, sometimes I wonder if my eyes apologized for my mother's blatantministry. Do you think that person went to the store going "I need milk, bread, eggs and an overweight housewife to turn my heart to Jesus."
When her white hands slipped into her purse I went off "looking" for something that might be important. On Sunday's I considered stealing all the trax out of their small holders so she couldn't grab any. When other children beamed at their parent's words of God ministries on Sunday morning, I felt embarrassed for them. Funny though some were not ashamed. But I was.
My little heart then was preparing the adult heart. I could have been easily influenced. I could have beamed at the fact my mom shared &q…

Points I Pondered While Lying in Bed Last Night

*If I was to walk away from all this online stuff would anyone notice. Is my impact on this weird world enough for one person to notice. Am I a legend in my own mind? Is this really the "right" thing?

*Will it rain tomorrow? What will I do with the kids?

*Some words and phrase are overused and abused. The first time I heard the phrase "ebbs and flows" it was beautiful. I looked it up to see the true meaning, what ebbs and flows really meant, not just what I thought it meant. I used it a few times. Soon I saw ebbs and flow everywhere and it lost it's flair.
Ebbs and Flows was the queen, everyone looked. They took her out to all the fancy restaurants, and five star hotels. She went to Paris on the private jets. Soon she got a reputation. Five star hotels and restaurants became eating Chinese out of the carton in her fifth story walk up. I saw her yesterday in last years Prada and a ripped up Louis Vuitton purse.
I think some words and phrases should be …

WTF this is a Blog Post. This Blogger is a Loser

I spend the better part of the morning being the room parent for Meg's preschool class. I should mention that it is doily noted that I said room parent and not room mother, because it is 2009 here and yes, yes we do have fathers in the room from time to time.
Back to the story, morning in Meg's class, came home EXHAUSTED, relaxed to find only depressing stuff in my reader. I spent the next half hour crying, then looked down with my tear soaked eyes to find that Meg had eaten all my lunch while I was being a blubbering, sobbery idiot. Rolled my eyes and hoped to find something funny to read.
nothing.
Nothing.
NOTHING.
I could write something for you all, but I am sick.
Sick.
SICK.
Which is a good excuse I hope. Runny nose and congestion takes something out of you. I have no words in my head, no thought-provoking things to say. I can't tap-dance for you. Being entertaining is out of the question. Fact is I have no clue why I am even writing this now, it has got to be the mo…

The Grass is Green

I am a "grass is green" kinda girl. Straight-forward.
I guess that is fine for some, but on a quest to make myself a better writer, the green grass holds me back. There is no descript to that, everyone has green grass, everyone knows that grass is green.
If you want someone to read your words you want them to read it with all five of their senses. You want them to see the grass. Feel the grass. Smell the grass. Taste the bitterness. Hear the whistle grass makes against the wind.
I will have to become a walking thesaurus, or at least walk with a thesaurus. I will have to stop in a moment and find the 1000 words to describe the every small thing I see. Realize that nothing is simple. Everything bends and twist and turns and sometimes breaks. I have to stop seeing the flaws, and find the beauty.
I have a feeling this will not be an easy habit to break, all bad habits die hard. To change a way of thinking. To take a moment to Touch. Taste. Smell. Hear. and REALLY SEE the …

Our Walk

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"How long does this road go"
you said
"Forever and ever"
I replied.
We walked hand and hand
your sister, you and I.
The trees canopied above.
the stones at our feet.
We watched the caterpillar,
felt the soft roughness
of their fall furred skin.
Glanced at the box elders
mating in the sun.
"How long do we walk here"
you said
"As long as you want."
I replied.
Photo taken at the Glacial Drumlin Trails

Random Thoughts

Just a few random thoughts for the weekend
*If you are popular on Twitter and say you tweeted that you stubbed your toe on a dresser, you would have everyone and their mother's brother saying "Ouch feel better" and people would start form prayer circles for your bruised toe. People would be all like "Down with dressers." "I am getting rid of my dresser because it hurt so and so's toe and that is just wrong. It is a travesty." and then a website would form all about the ill effects dressers have on toes and people would boycott dressers. There would be a movement, people would have "Down with dresser" Twibons on their avatars. And this would go on till said popular twitter farts backwards and we all will have to boycott farting and be a bunch of bloated assholes.
If your not popular on twitter and you say your hacking up a lung, no one cares. You are not a blip. You could be dying and no one would care.
Twitter is not good on the s…

Things that go bump

I don't consider myself a "bad" mom. I am alright. NOTHING makes me feel like the worst mom ever then when I am standing in line for preschool pick-up. You can't help but hear all the people talking about the "flu" and "shots" and "antibaterial" and "masks" and "hazmat suits" and all they are doing to prevent the Black Plague from entering their homes.
I have not put a second thought into not giving my kids the flu shot or the swine flu shot, what makes me question my mothering ability for a second is the fact that I am not scared of the flu. We don't do shots and I don't have anti-bacterial soap in my house. I am not scared of sickness.
I feel like, as a society, we are a giant cesspool of overly protective germaphobes. I know my kids are going to be exposed to germs and bacterias. I know my kids best defense is to have a strong immune system, which means they have to subject their bodies to those bact…

No longer

I can hold my tongue no longer. Really this is about us? We should believe this is a community thing? What about accountability. We can say it as fancy as we want or we can cut to the chase.
WHAT SHE DID WAS WAS WRONG!
Period the end.
You can try say it eloquently
You can try to be funny
You can try to be snarky
and Mean
and Vicious
But please would someone just call it what it really is
A person who lied
She played with people's,
friend's emotions.
The deep core of a mother.
She took people's trust in what she had to say and manipulated it to suit her own wants and needs!
THAT IS FUCKED UP!
I am not saying hang her out to dry.
or crucify her.
But please lets say what it is and that be the end of that.
Cut to the chase.

Good Better and Best

It is what I say all the time, "I know a little of everything and a whole lotta nothing." or I am good at a lot of things but great at nothing in particular. Go ahead ask me a question, I will probably know half the answer. Have a problem? I am your springboard. Once you get about 2 inches from the water the rest is up to you.

These above statement would not make my Grandma C proud, being that her motto is "Good, Better, Best never let it rest, till the good is better and the better is best." I got the good down. Occasionally the better thing I get, but sadly I can't sit still long enough to get the best thing down.

I don't want to be great at just one thing though, I know people like that. People who excel at what they do, but have a conversation with them about something else and it is dead. All conversation ends. Their best at that one thing, they leave the rest of the good to suffer, no hope at getting better at what is not their best.

Me you…

My Lullaby

Most nights I lie next to my kids till they fall asleep, I know turn around Jo Frost your words of wisdom are not needed here.

Megan is a total cuddler, she just holds and hugs and sometimes gives me little kisses. She tells me her secrets and tells me she loves me. She lays with her doll wrapped in one arm and the other arm is wrapped around me.

Nolan is calm, for the first time during the day. The lights are out and the noise that keeps him on edge is gone. I anticipated that moment when he finally REALLY talks to me. He tells me everything about his day, everything I wanted to know when he walked through the door just off the bus. The ball in the corner and the bike pull him away, "I don't know" is usually the answer when I ask that age old question " What did you do today."

At night everything is different. It is us for 15 minutes. Me rubbing their backs. Me listening.

As I listen for the first signs sleep I think about what I can write. What I can I…

Taking Action

I, like almost every good American, don't follow what is going on in the world unless it directly affects me. I am guilty. It is easy to be oblivious with cable and 500 channels to drown out the 20 news channels that you convince yourself you will watch later. It is the same shit over and over again, right? Of course when that news hits your home and/or your pocketbook you take notice.

Lately I have been oblivious on Health Care Reform. I am one of the millions of Americans who turn the dial as soon as it is mentioned, mostly because it is a been there done that kind of thing.

Really? You are going to reform health care? I will believe it when I see it!

Health care reform is something we can play off. Sure rising health care cost are a concern, I am there my husband's work insurance cost was raised eight percent this year alone. We have accepted it. It is almost like a type of Stockholm Syndrome. We are trapped, prisoners of the Health Care industry. We accept what is g…

I am My Mother's Daughter

My friend posted this video on Facebook:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nktBsI0PYPs]
How relevant to my state of existence right now. I listened to these words and then listened again and again. I cried. So much of what he said was the answer to a previous post I wrote a few short days ago.

Daniel Beaty sings:
"And for years he has never said a word.

And so twenty-five years later, I write these words

for the little boy in me who still awaits his papa's knock"
It is funny how all your emotions can keep you from saying what you really want to say. Those above lyrics are what I have been feeling for years. Seeing his words written down made me realize that there is a little girl in me, waiting for that attention I never got, the attention I need.
Then Daniel said this and I became that girl. I lost all sense of adultness. It was like I had the answer I was looking for.
"Yes, we are our fathers' sons and daughters,

But we are not their choices."
Is denying…

National Coming Out Day

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Today he came out to me.
I knew.
I had the feeling.
Nothing changes.
He is who he is
And I love him.
With my whole heart.

Not My Mother's Daughter

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Today I was watching Megan, she was sitting right next to me, and I started to cry. I do this often. I hate it. It is not because she is growing up to fast. Cause she is. It is not about how her joy radiates off, like a ray. Because it does. It is not because of her endless imagination that never ceases to amaze me. Because it never ceases.

No, these tears were of the selfish kind. These tears have been rattling me from the moment she was resting in my belly-the day I found out she was a she and she was mine.

I sat in the doctor's office eight months pregnant asking if I was crazy for worrying that I won't attach to the lil' girl swimming in me. That I won't know how to love her like she needed to be loved. Listening as the doctor tried to guide my fear. Reassuring me that he would make a point, to make sure we were attaching.

Three years later I can't shake it. This overwhelming feeling that I will screw it all up. That I don't know how to be mothe…

On a Napkin

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Somethings you should know

This blog is for the written work of Susan Lindgren, please do not copy any of the works and claim them as your own. That is wrong- didn't your mother teach you better?
I do not do reviews here or do written posts as ads. I am a stay-at-home mom and writer so I do accept requests for paid ad space on the sidebar only!- any money helps my family and my addiction to the written word your help is appreciated!
Please contact me at mommyo2mt at gmail dot com
All blog post are non-fiction unless otherwise stated, labeled "fiction". I write mostly about my life, my thoughts mostly I just ramble on.
As stated above I do not write reviews, but if a friend asks me for a little help I will disclose if the product was given to me or if money was exchanged.
If you would like to be included in my blog roll let me know, I will try to get it up!
Any information here can change upon writer discretion, but all changes will be dated and timestamped.
added: Nov. 3 2009 12:34p As fund raiser coo…

About Me

I am a mom of two awesome children and a writer. I blogged at The Lil' Mommy That Could but decided to change things up.