Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Hidden Posts and Extreme Anger

Have you ever hidden a post, post-date it back a couple of months so it's not on your front page for anyone and everyone to read?  I just did.  Call me a wimp, a coward whatever.  I just needed to get out some anger and frustration, I wanted it to be here, just not right here, up front for the world to see.
Mostly it was about the anger that I felt towards a person, a grown adult.  My anger boiled over and became something almost physical.  I stood outside, I saw this person and it took every ounce of personal strength not to go over to her and hit her.  Strike her.  Pull out every hair on her head.  I felt a ashamed that someone could yield such a violent reaction.  That hate boiled over to a point that could have been of no return. 
I walked inside to breathe, cried a little, counted to one hundred and composed myself.   I couldn't find my way back outside to where she was, I just didn't trust myself enough.
A question: Have you ever hidden a post?  Why?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Glee wish list

You all know I am a GLEEK!
Last night a wish was fulfilled when they took on Madonna so I thought I'd put some of my other GLEE! wishes out for the universe to take on, and if possible a writer for GLEE!
First up: Rachel's Grandma comes for a visit....
Right. Right?  Okay not that Babs isn't famous enough, but don't you think this would be a great way for her to broaden her audience base?  Plus we haven't had a good Barbra worship since Linda Richman.  
Think about it, Grandma goes to support her granddaughter- she questions Mr Schuester's ability to take her Granddaughter to sectional.  Divaness ensues.

Now that we met Rachel's Grandma it won't hurt to touch on Rachel's mother.
Okay I am a bit bias here, due to another show I LOVE LOVE.  I know for a fact, from a fan chat with Katey, she stated she would love to be on GLEE!
Go with me here peeps, washed-up lounge singer, at one time destined for greatness, she gets Rachel back on the path to stardom after a harsh break-up.

Rachel's Dads....

Of course.
The seriousness of Nathan mixed with Alan's quirkiness. PERFECT.

My last request is of course, the one, the only.....

I won't be a true GLEEK! if I didn't suggest it.
Recent graduate, past member of the GLEE! pissed off about New Directions success, I come back to sabotage the group.  Of course I play nice, but behind the groups back I am in cahoots with Sue.
I could see it now.
Oh well a girl can dream.

Monday, April 19, 2010

You say guilt like it's a bad thing

I hate guilt.  I hate to feel guilty.  But I know guilt is good.  Guilt keeps me in check.  It keeps me in line.
If I am feeling guilty about being on my blogs too much, I know it is time to unplug and spend quality time with the kiddos.
If I am guilty about the meals going into my kids mouths, I make sure the next day I make a great, healthy meal for the family.
When the guilt starts to wash over me when I yell at the kids I stop, take a deep breath, count to ten and start on a better foot.
When my fifth consecutive day with no exercise plagues me with mountains of guilt I put on my tennies, get my I-pod and take a long walk. 
Every time I feel guilty I know there is a reason.  NO ONE can make me feel guilty.  NO ONE can put that into my head.  Guilt is always my own, a time for inner reflection. 

Saturday, April 10, 2010

My Pledge

Today I stand before you and take this pledge...
Today I promise not to judge, make assumptions of another mother.
I will not question her ability or her judgments till I know her story.
I will not tell her she's breastfeeding too long or too short
I will allow her to nurse in comfort, how she chooses without stares of judgment.
I will not question why she is feeding her baby from a bottle, and assume she doesn't know what's best.
I understand to a mom the most important thing is that their child is nurtured in love.
Instead of an all-knowing stare or turning away from a mom whose children are yelling, screaming, being all sort of unruly I promise to give her a smile or a hand.  I promise to let her know it is okay,  we have all been there and that she is not alone.
I promise to give my words of advice only when needed or asked for, that sometimes sharing frustrations and problems is just venting.
I promise to listen.
I promise not to judge  mothering ability by what a child wears.
If they have a dirty face.
or dirty clothes.
If they are loud.
or quiet.
If their nose is caked in snot
or they have red kool-aid stained lips.
I promise to understand that we all have those days, when all we can do is the bare minimum and remeber that tomorrow will be better.
I promise
if you look tired I will offer you rest.
if you are hungry I will offer you food
if you need a friend I will be there.
I promise to be a partner in motherhood.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

MadriGLEEK and Pantaloons

GLEE! is coming!  GLEE! is coming!
I am not your fair-weathered lover of high school singing and dancing groups.  Oh no! I was there.  I did it.  I was a total choir nerd.  I was a singing, dancing geek.  So Glee is a blast from the past for me.  And we had em' all.
*The overachiever who flipped when she didn't get the lead in the yearly musical.
*The football player
*The preppy "cheerleader" girls who gave you hell (minus the cheerleading skirts)
*And they totally fashionable gay kid- (a little less Helmut and a lot more Ambercrombie)
I loved it.  Every minute.  I lived and breathed it.  I'd go back and do it all over again.
Total geek.
The school year started out right away with Madrigal auditions, those selected learned the fine art of medieval bell ringing and Christmas caroling.  The girls wore long dresses and fancy head pieces with scarves cascading down the back of our heads.  The boys wore hats with plumes, pantaloons and tights, and yes the football players wore tights.
We started off with the lovely six am practices.  We had after school practices.  We sang Christmas carols in August.  We sang Christmas carols before the sun came up.  We sang Christmas carols as the sun went down.  Hell I was singing Christmas carols in my sleep.
All this in preparation for traveling around Oshkosh singing and preforming for nursing homes, The Kiwanis Christmas luncheon, the local art center and the sprinkles on the Christmas caroling hot chocolate from Annie's cafe, the local movie theater.
After the madrigal season we were pushed right into the musical season which is where all the ball-changes and jazz hands come in, which is a whole other blog post.
There was no show choir, no GLEE club, but it was fun none the less. 
So I am now dubbing myself a MadirGleek because one day all the gleeks will inherit the earth and we will make sweet sweet music as we do it!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Go ahead and judge

Do I judge other mothers?
Yes, and I don't need your blog to do it.
Do other moms judge me?
Yes and they don't need my blog to do it.
Today I watched as half the neighborhood children ran around in bikinis and swim trunks I couldn't help myself, I judged their moms.  It wasn't cold out,but it wasn't hot.  In my opinion it was too cold to have children running around half naked.  It was just my opinion, does that mean I am right?
Today Megan wanted to wear her Dora pajama pants and Minnie Mouse ears all day.  To the park.  To McDonald's and all day.  She hadn't worn the pj pants to bed the night before, she put them on this morning and refused to change.  Did someone look at her and wonder if I even changed her into clean clothes this morning?  And why do I care if someone did?
My children tell me they love me and I am the best mom ever.  They say smart things like ketchup cleans pennies and MEGAN spells Me! 
One of my kids swears like a sailor.  The other enjoys saying poopy at various intervals throughout the day.  And the most used words in my house are diarrhea and diaper and penis.
I keep frozen chicken nuggets in the freezer for those days I have had it up to here, no HERE, and the idea of making a meal brings tears to my eyes.  And wine to my lips.
I baked a carrot cake.  And pancakes with whole wheat and oat flour and mashed up bananas and little chocolate chips.
My house is always a mess, but the dishes in the dishwasher are clean. 
I blog when my children are in bed mostly, but sometimes as they watch cartoons, that I put on because I need a moment of peace.
I yell, I scream and I whisper sweet nothings.  
I am a mom go ahead and judge.


Yesterday was long but I made sure I did one me thing.  I'm trying it more.  Making it so I do one thing I want to do, not have to do or...