Wednesday, April 25, 2012

in the thick of it

This is my day.  Everyday.
 Throw the ball. Catch the ball. Throw the ball again.
 He was birthed into baseball. I laid in bed. I walked around. I labored in a tub to the sound of baseball.
 He shares a name with one of the greats.
 He keeps score of the games on TV and the ones he plays in his mind.
 He shares a fantasy team with his dad.  He yells at his players when they don't do well and cheers when they do.
It is in his blood.

"Mom, look at this picture in the book doesn't it have so much detail?" She says.
"Mom, don't throw that away I can make something out of it." She says.
"Mom, I'm going to be an artist one day." She says.
"Yes, yes you are."  I say.
It's in her blood.

Thursday, April 19, 2012


War, what is it good for?!?  Everything.  Conflict makes people breathe and think and think and love and lust.  If you didn't have hate you couldn't have love.  If you don't have war you can never know what true peace feels like.

Complete and total world peace can only truly come if everybody and everyone agreed with everybody and everyone.  It's a scary thought, scarier than war.  To even have the notion or the dream that everyone and everybody will get along 100% of the time, all the time, for all time is not tangible.
 I don't hope for world peace for my children, I hope for world civility and total empathy domination.  That seems more likely to happen in their life time.  Or so I hope.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Garrison Keillor

SECRET: I have a mad girl crush on Garrison Keillor.  His voice is the lullaby that lulls my thirty-four year old baby self to sleep.  His voice is peace.  When I listen to Prairie Home Companion it can never happens with little people around, it negates the whole peace thing.  They have no appreciation for sexy-man-voice.  It is sad.  Very sad.
 And don't even get me started on The Writer's Almanac.
 Poetry little people, the live-blood of literature!!
I love when I get Garrison's subtle humor.  I feel smart and educated and highbrow.  I look around the empty car/couch to see if anyone else got his joke, and not one of those imaginary people ever does.  And I feel even smarter.
Imaginary people are not that smart. 

Just an added video.  Seriously Punch Brothers get me every time.  I listen to them all day everyday.  I get all sad when people don't know who they are.  Just sad people....

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

calisthenics bitches!

~I am but one girl.  So much has been on my mind lately and happening in the world, like Tupac's hologram.  IT'S TECHNOLOGY PEOPLE!  Brave new world and such.  And someone spent a lot of money to project a 3D image of a dead person.  Stupid Americans!*

~Are you ready for summer?  It's the only season that seriously scares the shiz out of me.  Because I am home with children and wondering what I should do with these active, demanding creatures.  The answer?  Nothing.  I am training them now to be self-sufficient, self-entertaining people.  It's a process.  I hate hearing "I'm bored."  I might start a bored jar where I put jobs like 'cleaning the toilet with a toothbrush' and 'human vacuum the living room'.**
During the summer my mom made us do calisthenics.  That's what she called it.  "8:00 am children, time for calisthenics!"  We always tease her about this now and about the time we had to pull over at a historic landmark and that landmark was a giant rock with a plaque that said "LINCOLN SPOKE HERE!"  We tease my mom but deep down we love her because she was creating memories.  And she was making us the cool parents because when I tell my kids "When I was your age my mom made me do calisthenics!' They are like "Oh no, not calisthenics!  You are the cool parent for not making us do calisthenics."***  My kids don't ask what calisthenics means, it's a word that sounds scary enough not to ask.  My hope is one day I will make my kids the cool parents and they can tell their kids 'When I was your age I had to clean the toilet with a toothbrush!'  And that sounds scary enough not to ask.

~ I include a song because that is my day, all day everyday.  Music it makes the world a better place.****

*Said in a snooty French accent

**Human vacuum is when you give your child a paper bag and have them pick up small bits of paper that litter the carpet.

***Dramatized for literary purposes.

****It's called irony bitches.

Friday, April 6, 2012


*Last night I put in  some ear-buds and watched a totally awesome 80's movie on Youtube.   That 80's movie that is so bad it's good.  The movie part isn't the issue here, the ear-buds are.  I love those little buggers.  Putting them in implies that I need a moment.  My children walk into the room and solemnly walk out, 'Mom has those things in her ear she needs her space.'  I can't hear anything except Billy Idol's 'Rebel Yell' and Helen Slater trying to fake a southern accent.
 I put in ear-buds and all the little squabbles and life's problems fade away.  I give myself permission to relax.  I take the responsibly and hand it off to my husband.  It's amazing what happens when you put two pieces of plastic in you ear and tune out the world.

*There are some songs I can listen to over and over and never get sick off.
Like this one.
and this one.
and this one.

*After watching that totally awesome 80's movie I had this song stuck in my head , I started singing it and I told my husband that I'd be singing it all night.  He informed me he hated that song and I got all excited because I could annoy him by singing it over and over again.  After awhile he was all like "Oh that song, I thought you were singing another song.  I like that one.'  The song lost all it's appeal then.
This is the awkward moment I realized that our relationship was less husband and wife and more brother and sister.  Is this normal?

* I like this song.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Why I am not President

At one time in my life I pictured myself being President of the United States.  Life happened.  You couldn't pay me to be President, although they do actually pay people to be President it's just that you couldn't pay me enough to be President.  The greatest deterrent is of course the gray hair.  Do you see those pictures??  Especially with our last two presidents.  Before oval office hair one color, during and after the oval office, GRAY.

I am not ruler of this free nation but I am ruler of my household.  Less president, more dictator.  My hair isn't gray.  Okay I lie there is some gray there.  Very hard to see.  I know it's there.  It's my dirty little secret.
 My other dirty secret is sometimes I watch 16 and Pregnant.  I also like this song and I sing it at the top of my lungs in the car when no one is looking. 
Don't tell anyone okay.
That's another reason I could never be president.  I have too many dirty secrets.  And the ruler of the free world should not be indulging in shows about teen girls getting pregnant and crying because they can't go to prom.  It doesn't gain respect.   Neither does singing songs by third rate pop singers from the 90's.   Or admitting that you're less president and more dictator.  And admitting when you say dictator you get a craving for tator tots. 
Or the fact that I can't sustain a coherent thought without going on wild tangents.


Life doesn't seem fair  and I am a witness. "I don't believe in God" she says And I have nothing to refute it. I see...