Wednesday, February 29, 2012

No Facebook for YOU!

I deleted my Facebook account.   Not in an effort to prove some socially-conscience point, saying in an effort to connect people Facebook has actually achieved the opposite effect.  They disconnect people.  Which is kind of true in a way.  My husband and I will message each other on Facebook, him downstairs, myself upstairs.  We use the excuse of 'less yelling'.  But it also means we are moving less, because when did it become a chore to walk up five steps to address a person face-to-face.
No, I am quitting Facebook for awhile because my account was hacked and when I go on Facebook it redirects to porn.  Or it will post porn links on my friends' pages. 
And mind you not just any porn but porn that scares me.  Like porn that is probably illegal in certain countries, but not here in the USA.  Our country has pretty low moral standards when it comes to stuff like that.  Or our moral standards can easily be stretched when it comes to commerce.   
Now I am getting political.
I have no idea how long I will be off Facebook.  A week.  Or two.  Maybe forever.  I am enjoying not viewing certain parts of the male anatomy everyday.  Certain parts of the male anatomy that closely resemble a certain appendage of the elephant.  ((Shutter))  I'd become a nun if they were all that grotesquely big. 
We shall see what is to come of this whole porn/Facebook sabbatical.  Maybe I'll take up a hobby.  Or I'll read more.
 Or blog more.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I have a sick kid today and I had a sick kid this weekend and three weeks ago or so I had a sick family and four weeks before that I had in some way shape or form some kind of sick person living in my house.  Under one roof.  Sharing germs.
I can't tell you- express to you how sick I am of sickness.  I am convinced these disease-ridden midgets have been sent here to destroy me.  Or I just feel this way because I was up all night with a snivelly, whiny five year old who had a tendency to kick me endlessly in the bladder as I slept next to her.  Or didn't sleep.  On guard with bottles of  Triaminic and Handwarmers.  In what can only be explained as a divine intervention, at midnight I had the genius idea to use a Handwarmer that I had shoved in the back of a drawer to help ease sick kid's ear ache.  It worked fabulous and I am planning on buying a gross of them tomorrow.  Or because I am a blogger and I deserve free stuff some random PR person can send me a gross of them.  It's been awhile since I have blogged about a product- I'd so pimp myself for HeatMax Hot Hands Handwarmers right now.  That and a trip to someplace warm.  Anywhere.  Without snow and without the ability to see ones breath the minute you step outside.  Hell I'd go to hell if it meant I didn't have to shovel snow one more time.
And the kids will get better and the winter will end and all will be right with the world.  It just has to happen sooner rather than later.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Giving Up the Giving Up

I have not stepped into a church and meant it in quite awhile.  Sure family obligations and a short bout of Christian guilt had placed me in some sort of brick and mortar 'House of God'.  I was there.  My heart wasn't.  I don't have a bad relationship with God.  I have a very private relationship with God.   It is not a "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" kind of relationship.  It's a sitting in a quiet room, reflecting on my life and the good and bad and how I can work to make it better kind of relationship.  I don't talk about God a lot.  I think about God a lot.

This time of year a slow seeping guilt finds me.  I think about my youth and all the candy I said I would give up and all the candy I never gave up.  I think about all the rosary decades I had to say kneeling in the living room, not before we fought over who would get the 'glow-in-the-dark' rosary.  Mostly I think about kneeling in the church kneelers trying to keep my butt from resting on the pew.  If your butt rested on the pew as you were kneeling you were a bad Catholic.

I never liked Lent.  Not because I had to 'give up' something.   I never like Lent because it was depressing.  It was like we were forced to not be happy.  The less happy you were the better person you are.  It's so depressing.  Isn't life depressing enough.

I would have to give up the one thing as a kid that I loved, candy, and I hated it. I'd last a few days and then I would search all over the house for any sort of change and would take a walk to the corner candy store.  We had a corner candy store that sold all kinds of candy, it was two blocks from the Catholic church I kneeled in and went to school in.  I'm guess they made a killing during lent.

The things you give up our the things you want the most, and contrary to popular belief it isn't the devil tempting you it's your mind craving the routine or the sugar.  We are creatures of habit and if we break a habit our bodies demands it.  Our body wants the satisfying norm we have created for it.

I have decided for Lent this year that I am 'Giving Up' on the 'Giving Up.'  Instead I have decided to give more.  Give more time for myself and my family.  To try harder to be a better person and better citizen of this world.  To stop demanding and start thanking. 

I know there will always be a piece of me that will hold on to the ideas of this time of year.  To take a moment and reflect on what was given to me, for me and for the people I love.  I will hold on a little more.  Give up a little less.  Give a little more

Monday, February 20, 2012

life. grand.

I really want to write about something and everything and nothing.  I like my brain.  I hate my brain when it refuses to focus.  Or it loses focus.  I often go to get something and when I get to the place I am suppose to get that something I forget what that something was that I was suppose to get.  And then I stand in front of everything looking at everything thinking it will help me remember that one something I was suppose to get.
And then my anxiety reminds me that I am probably getting Alzheimer.
Ain't life grand?

My sister had a baby.  The baby is a girl.  I walked into the hospital room and when I saw her I started to cry.  Cause my sister is a little sister.  And it's okay for your big sister to have babies, it's crazy when your little sister does.  Because she's little.  Funny thing is for about two decades my little sister has been bigger than me.  She's taller by like four inches.  So I am really the little sister.
When my sister's little baby girl laid eyes on me I swear she smiled.  I am not kidding.  It was like she was saying, 'I know you, you are my cool aunt.'
It was grand.

Friday, February 3, 2012

baby steps

"I can't control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do.....I can't control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do.....I can't control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do.....I can't control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do."

This has been my mantra the past couple of weeks.  With deep breaths in a dark room.  This mantra came to me after a moment of self-realization and/or actualization.
I am totally one of those people that will stand in front of another person, I like to soften the blow for everyone else around me.  This could be viewed as a very nice thing, a very selfless thing.  In a sense it makes me the "Protector." I don't like to see people's feelings getting hurt, or one person mad at another person.  At all times I am on alert to stop all and every confrontations.  But in the process of making sure everyone else is happy I forget a very important thing, making sure I am happy.
A-Ha! a lightbulb moment.
I love light bulb moments and I hate light bulb moments.  I love them because I totally figure something out about myself.  I hate them because it's all just words.  Finding the motive to put these moments into action is the hard part.  I hate hard.
I have no idea how to stop being the protector.  I realize with my all my heart I have to take a step back, to stop standing in front of those I love and start standing beside them.  I need to realize I can't make others happy and I most certainly can not control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do.
It's all smart and good.  And it feel good to say it to myself.  I shall work on it, baby steps.


Life doesn't seem fair  and I am a witness. "I don't believe in God" she says And I have nothing to refute it. I see...