baby steps

"I can't control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do.....I can't control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do.....I can't control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do.....I can't control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do."

This has been my mantra the past couple of weeks.  With deep breaths in a dark room.  This mantra came to me after a moment of self-realization and/or actualization.
I am totally one of those people that will stand in front of another person, I like to soften the blow for everyone else around me.  This could be viewed as a very nice thing, a very selfless thing.  In a sense it makes me the "Protector." I don't like to see people's feelings getting hurt, or one person mad at another person.  At all times I am on alert to stop all and every confrontations.  But in the process of making sure everyone else is happy I forget a very important thing, making sure I am happy.
A-Ha! a lightbulb moment.
I love light bulb moments and I hate light bulb moments.  I love them because I totally figure something out about myself.  I hate them because it's all just words.  Finding the motive to put these moments into action is the hard part.  I hate hard.
I have no idea how to stop being the protector.  I realize with my all my heart I have to take a step back, to stop standing in front of those I love and start standing beside them.  I need to realize I can't make others happy and I most certainly can not control other people's actions.  I can't control what other people do.
It's all smart and good.  And it feel good to say it to myself.  I shall work on it, baby steps.