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Showing posts from September, 2011

Random Thoughts of a Bitter TMJ Sufferer

*I gave birth to my children au' naturel. I did.  I don't bring this up in normal everyday conversation.  Even when people mention their birth stories I usually keep my mouth shut.  I don't tell many people that I did natural child birth unless they ask or I am in so much fucking pain and I am trying to get the doctor to understand that I can't bear another minute of it.
I swear to GOD I used this phrase to nurse this past week:
"I DID NATURAL CHILD BIRTH.... TWICE!  I AM NOT SOME CRACKED UP OXY-WHORE I AM IN PAIN!"
She told me to take Aleve.
I shit you not.
Realizing that my outburst did make me sound like a cracked-up-oxy-whore is beside the point.  I was in fricken pain and after all my misdiagnoses and unnecessary antibiotics I was ready to cut a bitch.
Needless to say I am in the works of finding a new doctor.
What a bitch to do.

* I stated to my mom and sister that an appointment with a Physicians Assistant is tantamount to a pity fuck.  I am sure  P.A…

quote

Quotes can be totally awesome and equally annoying.  I ride the line on posting quotes.  Because sometimes you want to give inspiration the middle finger.  "Yeah, well fuck you and your ideas and making me feel guilty for wanting to sit around all day and watch this Project Runway marathon!" 
Two of my favorite quotaters are actually children writers.  Because sometimes the simple resonate more with me.   Simple is truth.  Words get used too much.  They become something less when you try too hard.
I try too hard a lot.
AA Milnes tops my list.  I see a quote and think 'WOO who wrote that?  I die from that inspiration.' And it is almost always AA Milnes.  And then I think about how much Mr. Milnes wants bitch-slap Walt Disney for putting a red shirt on Winnie the Pooh.  Because all the other characters are sans clothing, why was it important to put clothes on the bear??
Sometimes when I feel something I love to listen to 'Disobedience' and I think how cool to …

Create

A few weeks ago I had a dream that I was pregnant.  It was one of those dreams that was so real, it didn't feel or act like a normal dream.  You know those kind of dreams?  The ones where you wake up and you have to take a breath and minute before you realize everything and anything that went on was all just a life lived in your sleep.  Those are the dreams that stick with you.
I had this dream that I was pregnant, it was so real in fact that I actually felt the baby kick inside me.  Little kicks that when you put your hand on your belly you can almost swear you feel the arch of the baby's heel.  I loved those kicks.  The kicks that literally knocks you on your ass.  Not because they are that strong, but strong in a way that reminds you there is a life growing in you and you are going to be a mother.  To a baby growing in you.
I had this dream that I was pregnant.  It scared the crap out of me because I am done.  My youngest is in kindergarten.  We have a small house perfect f…

bad day

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Today is going to be a very bad day.

Isn't it sad that you wake up and you know this will not be your day. And for five seconds you think it will all be alright and you step outside yourself and you trip on a rock or the sun blinds you or you run straight into a pole that has always been there. SMACK right in the head. And you say 'fuck this shit' and you lock yourself back in yourself. You try again tomorrow.

I love those days.

It sounds almost depressing mostly because it is depressing. But you have to realize that it is okay to have those days where nothing goes right because it makes those days where everything goes right so totally righteous.

Mostly I will just stay in today and lick my wounds and eat ice cream and not deal with people.  And realize how lucky I am that I can sit in here and eat ice cream and not be bothered by people.  It sure is lovely.

And also pray that tomorrow is better.  Because really it's just a day.  A day in a life,  a life that …

anniversary 12

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12 year ago today, 9-11,  my husband and I were wed.  our anniversary is usually overshadowed by the other 9-11 anniversary.
every year i play 'the prayer'.  it was the song that was played at our wedding ceremony.  i can't help  but get goosebumps thinking how 'the prayer' perfectly works for both anniversaries.  it speaks of love and peace and hope for the future.
We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above.
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love.
Let this be our prayer,
Just like every child.

Needs to find a place, guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Petal Stays Home

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Digital scrapbooking design generated with Smilebox
Megan left her bunny, Petal, in my capable hands today. For those of you who know Petal know this is a BIG deal. I wanted Meg to see that Petal is in good hands so I made this digital scrapbook of our day. Hopefully Petal and I will have more days together.

Reading Goals.

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This is becoming a dirty habit. It can't be helped. I listen to music all day long.I like to listen to music when I cook/clean/read/craft/lounge/journal/blog.

The other day I came upstairs and told my husband I was crafting and listening to Jay-Z.
I was Gangsta Scrappin'.

I thought it was hilarious.  Him, not so much.

I have my own little craft area, that I share with my five-year-old daughter.  She's a little creative genius.  The other day her friends came over and she said, "Just so you know I am not painting, I am Mod-Podging." 

I was a proud mommy.  (Wipes tear)

This weekend I worked on creating a way to keep track of the chillens' reading.
Our school district is limiting homework, but they are encouraging independent reading time.  To start the year off they suggested 60 minutes of reading a week, and by the end of the year they are hoping for 120 minutes, minimum, of reading a week.
To me this is a drop in the bucket, to my eight-year-old it is pu…

Hallelujah

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I am linking another song.

You know this song. Even if you say you don't, you do.  This song, sung by Jeff Buckley, was the unofficial, official song of 9/11.  I heard it everywhere.  At the time it seemed apropos but if you really listened to it, like REALLY listen, it's all about King David and Bathsheba getting it on.  And some Samson and Delilah thrown in  for good measure.

Hallelujah is a kinda of a biblical song.  Sung by not so biblical people.

A song that people seem to cling to when something awful happens.
A hurricane.
An earthquake.
A terrorist attack. 

But it's a song about betrayal and sex.

It's weird.  Or just weird to me.

Part of me wants to ask- Do you remember 9/11?  Which is of course a dumb question.
What I really want to know is do you REMEMBER 9/11?
Do you remember what time you woke up?
And how you felt at that moment?
Do you remember the clear blue sky?
Did you know the conditions across the country were perfect?
And we all looked up and saw …

Lyric

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Like every latte drinking/thick black framed eye-glass wearing/hipster wanna-be I like love Mumford and Sons.  You know when you are listening/reading/watching anything and you are all like "Oh, my God this is so cool and the next big thing- I have to tell everyone I know about this.  I am like an awesome trend-setter."  And than you figure out everyone already knows about it and actually you are just the last person on that next big thing's band-wagon.
That was me and Mumford and Sons.

I was listening to my Mumford and Sons' Pandora station, because yes I am  that obvious, and I heard the above song.  It's called Timeshel.

You know when you are listening to a song and you actually catch the lyrics and you are all like "Oh my God that is the most beautiful thing I have ever heard."  And than you find yourself crying.
Me, all the time.
I am a sucker for a good lyric.

I was that moody teen listening to Tori Amos.
Alone.
In my room.
In the dark. 
Pathet…