Friday, September 16, 2011


A few weeks ago I had a dream that I was pregnant.  It was one of those dreams that was so real, it didn't feel or act like a normal dream.  You know those kind of dreams?  The ones where you wake up and you have to take a breath and minute before you realize everything and anything that went on was all just a life lived in your sleep.  Those are the dreams that stick with you.
I had this dream that I was pregnant, it was so real in fact that I actually felt the baby kick inside me.  Little kicks that when you put your hand on your belly you can almost swear you feel the arch of the baby's heel.  I loved those kicks.  The kicks that literally knocks you on your ass.  Not because they are that strong, but strong in a way that reminds you there is a life growing in you and you are going to be a mother.  To a baby growing in you.
I had this dream that I was pregnant.  It scared the crap out of me because I am done.  My youngest is in kindergarten.  We have a small house perfect for a family of four.  I have declared to myself and to anyone who cares that I am done carrying children.  And nursing them.  I like sleeping.  I am in a place that feels good.  I lead no illusions that this is entirely my decisions and anything.  ANYTHING can happen and if anything were to happen we'd deal and love any new member to our family.  It would just be a surprise of epic proportions.
I had this dream that I was pregnant.  Having a very close family member that is pregnant I worried she would hate me for stealing her thunder.  Even though it's nice having someone to commiserate with you on the woes of morning sickness and bladder issues, it is wonderful having that undivided attention to you and only you.  Sometimes it's nice to hear "Oh I know what you mean"  and sometimes you want to punch the person in the ear because, 'no you don't know what it feels like to be me and feel my pain.  My pain is mine and you are not making me feel better by comparing your pain to mine.  I just want someone to rub my back and tell me I am going to be a fricken awesome mom and  I look so beautiful'
I had this dream that I was pregnant.  I was so scared that I looked the dream up online.
"Pregnancy often represents new growth in your life, growing creativity. The baby kicking inside could represent the idea that your creation or creative potential is trying to kick you to get your attention. Focusing on the arm might be a clue for you. An arm might represent something specific for you. What do you think of when you think of an arm? Could it represent using the arm to direct or point or does it represent your creativity? Are you an artist or do you use your arm physically in your hobby or passion such as writing or sports? You must think about this and try to draw your own meaning from it" ~Dream and
I had this dream that I was pregnant.  And its not about having a baby it's about starting something new.  And I realized I have a new life to start.  A life where I consider what I need to do for me, I can be a little more selfish.  And I have time to spread my wings.  And I am a creative person and I have something to say and I can say it.
It's crazy how a dream can scare you into something new.  A rebirth of yourself.  Totally Awesome.

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