*I gave birth to my children au' naturel. I did. I don't bring this up in normal everyday conversation. Even when people mention their birth stories I usually keep my mouth shut. I don't tell many people that I did natural child birth unless they ask or I am in so much fucking pain and I am trying to get the doctor to understand that I can't bear another minute of it.
I swear to GOD I used this phrase to nurse this past week:
"I DID NATURAL CHILD BIRTH.... TWICE! I AM NOT SOME CRACKED UP OXY-WHORE I AM IN PAIN!"
She told me to take Aleve.
I shit you not.
Realizing that my outburst did make me sound like a cracked-up-oxy-whore is beside the point. I was in fricken pain and after all my misdiagnoses and unnecessary antibiotics I was ready to cut a bitch.
Needless to say I am in the works of finding a new doctor.
What a bitch to do.
* I stated to my mom and sister that an appointment with a Physicians Assistant is tantamount to a pity fuck. I am sure P.A.s serve their purpose but the last thing I want you to give me is an appointment with someone who can only dole out Ibuprofen and Amoxicillin.
*Did you know that taking an antibiotic can give you stomach problems. And if you already have issues with your stomoach you are basically up shit creek. Literally it ain't pretty.
Also taking an antibiotic can give you a monster of a yeast infection. I am not trying to be gross, these are just the facts man. Antibiotics get rid of all the bad bacteria that makes you sick and all the good bacteria that helps with digestion and the good bacteria that gets rid of yeasts in your va-jay-jay area.
So when you have taken like seven antibiotics you are a walking yeasty-petri dish that has uncontrollable farts. Good times.
*I am just so bitter right now.
*Catch my daily TMJ reports on my Twitter page.
*Unrelated to TMJ, my hubby and I came up with a new word. "Vaginanormous" Used in a sentence: 'After having 20 kids Michelle Dugger is vagainanormous.'
*Also unrelated to TMJ I have a mad crush on Clay Matthews. He plays for the Packers. I call him my boyfriend. I tell my husband Clay can tackle me anytime. And that I want to lick Clay's hair. And then I simulate licking his hair by actually licking my hand.
Clay is known for his tendency to ramble incoherently which means him and I are soul mates.
He is also a Republican so my status as 'Republican Shiksa' would still be intact.
Winning.
You are hysterical! Hope the TMJ gets better, you cracked up, whore.
ReplyDeleteha! I like HUGINA and VAGIANT. When I was pregnant, I was surprised at my voluminous hugina. I was afraid I'd have a vagiant for the rest of my life.
ReplyDeleteIt went back to normal.
Well, my vagina wasn't so big as much as my labia and vulva.
I love your blog because there is no way to give too much information.
Also, yes on the antibiotics. I am on amox for an ear infection, and my ear infection has totally effed up my sex life. I could open an artisan bread shoppe in my pants, and my birth control is rendered ineffective.