I have IBS. It is a little known fact about myself. Of course I don't like to talk about my bowels much, who does? It is not a topic that comes up in every day conversation. "Hey how's your bowels today?" "Did you take a nice crap today?" "Why no, I didn't, I have IBS so taking a crap is actually a pain in the ass, literally and figuratively!"
My IBS is part self-diagnosed and part clinically diagnosed. After months of pooping in a cup and smearing my shit on a card to no avail, I stopped short of them sticking things up my anus for a 100% diagnosis. There is only so much shit a girl can take. Literal and Figural.
This started out about 11 years ago after a case of adult acne and a round of the drug Accutane. You know those commercials you see on T.V.? They aren't just lip service, it is real issue. It's kind of scary that a drug can rip your stomach apart for the rest of your life just to repair a vanity issue.
Okay, it wasn't just a vanity issue, nodular acne is painful. I am serious it was painful. And when you are a new bride and your face looks like the surface of the moon on crack it breaks you a little inside. After rounds of creams and oral medicine, Accutane was a last hope.
Apart from the fact that I had to be on birth control to prevent having alien baby, and not being able to go outside all summer it went well. I had no acne. I felt good.
Then a short while later, after being off the drug, I would eat something and spend a night in bed doubled over in pain. I was constipated all the time. And a serious case of hemorrhoids that even Raymond couldn't fix.
I found myself in the doctors office. I was sent home a lot. I remember once asking the doctor if taking Accutane did this to me. I was told "NO!" Then one day reading some forgotten-titled magazine I read a story about Accutane and IBS.
"Thank you anyway I don't want a tube up my butt, I have my answer!" It was a relieve to say the least. I had my answer and I could live with it.
My IBS doesn't bother my everyday. It flares. It comes and goes, depending on stress or if I pig out on copious amounts of cheese and fried foods. Time has slowly healed me. Or I just know how to control the symptoms better. I spend less time in the fetal position and more time enjoying life.
And it is a lesson learned. I am more careful of what goes in my body. I thank God for Google and Web MD. I look at side effects and long term effect of drugs and decide if it is worth it.
IBS ain't got shit on me. Literally. Figuratively.