Friday, December 11, 2009

Selfish and stuff

I have been writing post but not sharing them, I am selfish like that. I am really struggling at how much of my family's life I should share. The kids are getting older, I can sense they might not want me sharing every little thing with the world. And I don't want to either. A little piece of me feels like sharing that story of me and them and my life makes it less mine and more yours. I want it to be all mine. I am selfish like that.
I hate to bog down this space with all my worldly troubles. It is my space, but I don't want to come back here in a few days, months and years and be embarrassed. I am a mess and the last thing I want is to be reminded of, when I am not a mess, is that I was a mess. Whenever that day of non-messdom will be.
I know there is a positive energy when you release your demons, but do I have to show off all my faults to everyone? Do you have to see where I have made mistakes to make it right?
Blogging is such a fickle thing for me. One minute it is my savior and the next it is the noose around my neck, I falter on that line on a daily basis.
I know quitting all this is out of the question, but it has been a choice. I changed my online persona to fit into where I was going, it kept me from stopping altogether. This blog is my last ditch effort to hold on to this world.
I am not complaining, or am I? Hell,half the time I have no idea what is coming out of my mind and onto this computer. Hell, I have no idea how you are reading this.
It is all perception.
Thanks for Listening.

1 comment:

  1. I really can relate to what you're saying here. I struggle with blogging, and even video blogging, an awfully lot. I go back and forth, teetering on the edge of reason, sometimes I think. But for all of that, I have to say that there is at least one small thing I have learned, and that is...that your writing and videos, whether online or off, can be creative and artistic reflections of you. They do NOT have to be utterly naked, leaving you feeling raw and exposed.

    Just because that is the style and creative expression of SOME bloggers and vloggers, does not mean that you are committed to that same level of transparency.

    Perhaps YOUR creative expression is more veiled, more "encoded," more subtle, more "clothed," so to speak. And there is nothing wrong with being a nudist, OR preferring to wear clothing. It's okay to leave some things to the imagination. It's okay to keep part of you...for yourself.


Thanks for your comments- they are like pennies from heaven.


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