9-10-2016

Summer fly by, I wonder how I got here. 

 I enjoyed the warmth and felt little guilt about staying in. 

Today I started autumn prep.  Cooking roots and planting bulbs.  

I use to be able to sit down and write endlessly.  I could type daily and feel good.   Now I can barely get the words out.  I know I have complained about this before.  It's an endless torture.  I of course have only myself to blame.  I ultimately am the one that fills my time.  I work.  I play.  I don't write.
I tell myself I will try daily.  And daily fails.  Then weekly.  Fail.  Not monthly.  More than yearly.  I find that the words come then vanish just as quickly.  I feel frustrated.  Angry.  I give up.
The giving up is easy.

Off

Well it was fun while it lasted. Good intentions and such.  They always start out well don't they?

Day 5: Forgotten

Poor day 4, she got NOTHING!   I was busy, like sometimes I will be.  I did find my me-time yesterday.  Mostly I found that space in the house where noise seem to cease to exist.  It is glorious.  And even thought I forgot/was to busy to write, I had a moment.
A moment is better than nothing.

Day 3: Home

I am most comfortable at home in my pajamas.  Sitting.  Reading.  Just being.  I might get an itch of adventure now and then  When the itch comes  I HAVE to go.  At that moment.  In the second the desire comes.

Day 3: Try

I think trying is the hardest possible thing anyone can do.  The outcome is unknown.
Tomorrow means back to work.  A fresh start after a short break.
I will try to....
*Work smarter not harder
*Let go of the little things
*Depend on those I can trust
*Let go of the feelings of those I can't trust

Putting all this out there into the world.  Writing it down to remind myself of what I want to achieve and be.

Day 2: Delusions of Grandeur

Day 2 into my self-inflicted writing challenge.  The challenge is to write everyday for a year. A short verse.  Or a poem.  Or an epic blog post.
The plan is to encourage myself to do the something I love, to give myself a minute or two to do something just for me.
Lets hope this works.  

Day 1 Loss

It is enviable that loss happens in your life.  Sometimes it is a peace that comes.  Sometimes it is a long drawn out affair.  Loss is loss.  To everyone it is different.  How they suffer.  How they accept. Or not accept.  How we all just deal with all the feelings that come with loss.  There is just one common denominator of loss; the hurt.

Our recent loss is our pet.  I will be honest at one time when someone told me they lost their pet I would feel bad but the feeling ended at that.  I could not empathize or sympathize.  I thought of that loss as simple and easy.  

Now I know different.

The feeling is hard to overcome.  It is sad and gut-wrenching.  It makes you a new person.  

Write.  Write.  Write.  Write.
A mantra over and over
An anxiety slows creeps into my skin.
Like tiny bug, trying  to burrow in.
When the itch falls away
the staccato chant begins.

Write,  Write.  Write. Just write.
You'd think I'd listen.
It's just hard to allow the fingers
to match what the soul is telling.
I hold off hoping the hymn will fade.
Cover it up with life's white noises.

write.  Write.  WRITE! WRITE!!
It never seems to go away
The unending refrain.
It slowly seeps into the marrow
A reminder of what I have done
and what I am meant to do.

rooted

The movement of the trees

giving a sudden warning

But still I sit on my perch

Watching the storm come in

Feeling every part of my body move
yet the sum of me stays rooted.
A brew of clouds swirls
the world changes.
The leaf moves the direction it is told
but the trunk unmoving
anchored to the ground.
A clutter of veins
clenched to the soil.

Disoriented is how I can best describe
how I have been feeling lately.
I can't seem to sit, stand, walk
without feeling like I am missing something.
I end where I begin and begin where I end
and all the stuff in the middle is lost.