changes

I am in a place in my life where I am denying all change.  So basically it's' birthday season' in my neck of the woods.  That one time of year I grieve the fact that my children are getting older and need me less but more. That they get to ride their bikes a little further and go with friends more and be themselves.  But mostly I just grieve the fact that they are changing.  Every day.
First comes Megan.  Who is seven and seven is just too much for me to take.  Because she wants so much to do everything.  And I am "No stay here by me and let's do those things you loved to do with me!"  And she doesn't really want to because doing things with your mom is not really fun anymore.  It's not cool.  I have no choice but to send her off to do the things she loves so much that does not involve me.
And soon comes Nolan who will be ten next week.  10 I said.  10!  No more single digits.  He needs two number to tell the experiences he has lived.  Single digit life goes so fast.  I didn't hold on to it, it went too quick.  And this is his last year in elementary school.  This is so hard for me.  I think about it and I just cry.  Because this means something I can't yet grasp.  There is an innocence to being an age where you have one teacher and you stay in one place to learn.  It's an overwhelming thought that he will be changing schools and changing teachers and moving on and up and over.  And I will have to stand back and just wait and watch.
Always waiting and watching.
Til' next birthday season my good children.
May this year bring love and happiness..........

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