Offend

I use to have a ton of blogs.  I have lots of ideas and no follow-through.  I deleted some of those blogs.  One in particular is hard because it was just me writing stuff that I thought might offend certain people and now I don't really care about offending people. 
 People say I am funny.  The thing about being called funny is you feel like you have to be funny all the time and that is impossible.  This is why the best funny people commit suicide or get into drugs or become alcoholics; too much expectation. 
Anyhoo, now I don't care about people and before I delete this blog, where I wrote stuff  that was 'offensive', I want to keep some of the posts so I m posting them here to keep.  Forever. 



Right now I am watching "Jesus Christ Superstar" on TV, which you know is how I like my Jesus.  Dirty.  Wearing Bell Bottoms.  Driving a tour bus.  Totally fuckin' awesome.
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My kids have discovered my kryptonite.  Books.  I don't want to be that asshole mom that doesn't read to her kids.  The moment I call it quits, go to take a breather my kids show up with a stack of books.  How can you say "f-off" when your kids are showing a desire to learn, use their imagination and all that stuff?
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I am now an official cat lady.  I fear that when my kids leave me I will start hoarding cats.
The last fucking show I want to be on is "Hoarders"  I rather be on "Intervention."
I rather be addicted to crack, heroin, mari-g-iuana, ecstasy and meth  and have my family secretly draw me to a cheap hotel room in tears then have a bunch of assholes touch my underwear.
"Intervention" is dramatic.  People are all like "we are here, we love you, we are sending you to a treatment center with massages and therapists and meals and help."
Hoarders they are like "that is one dirty,smelly crazy ass bitch."
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Did you ever notice that the priests in "Jesus Christ Superstar" look like giant penises?
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