I have been feeling that brick in my heart. I spreads slowly to my arms, creeps up my neck. Goes down to my belly till my legs ache. I know I have to catch it before my whole body aches. Anxiety is a bitch man. I am a bitch. Right now.
I find myself looking for approval in everything I do and from all the people around me. I often think this is the cure. But it's not. It's the spoon that stirs this hate stew. Mixes all the ingredients together. A perfect boil. Before everything comes to a raging spill over.
I am trying. It's hard to say 'hi' and walk on. Not wanting to divest some tidbit or share an idea. I sit back and ask myself "Why do you want to say this to this person?" "How have they responded to you in the past?" "Do they listen?" "Are you heard?" I let that person go if the answer does not give me a positive feeling. This might not be the right approach. But right NOW it helps.
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