social anxiety in my form

It is hard sometimes to have the emotional maturity of a fourteen year old.  I find myself burying myself in on myself.  All the fears and insecurities become a burden.  It piles on; one fear on top of another.  I can be funny all the time and when necessary, people laugh and inside I cry because I really want to be that happy.

A look can play games with my emotions.  A feeling that I said and did the wrong thing.  I start to talk and the words fall in on them self and I am left on the cliff edge trying to decide if I go forward and risk falling free or back-up and shut-up.

If I don't say anything I risk imploding.  If I come here and let it out, I can somehow go on and feel somewhat 'normal'.  
My wish this moment is to have thick skin.


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