Saturday, October 13, 2012

better.

He is just a little different than the rest."  Why can't I be like everyone else?"   I don't know why.  I have no right answer to this question.  Ever.
 Anytime and every time he asks it.
Why does he feel more? It all sits in his head.  And travels to his stomach.  And back up to his heart.  And it sits there longer than anyone else. It's always more than his peers.  Every thing is more.
I like to think this life means more to him.  That he feels more of it.  And craves more of it.  It is a comforting and scary thought all at the same time. 
Every victory will mean more to him.  The little things are to be celebrated. My hope is that he will appreciate everything more.  His successes will carry him through his life and bring him comfort when he has a heavy heart.
In his small way he is making me slow down.  To think.  And remember.  And pray.
Because today was tough.  But tomorrow can be better. 
So much better.

Friday, October 12, 2012

ramble on

It's been awhile good friend.  Eventful here and uneventful all at the same time.
Anxiety.  Doctor calls.  New pills.  Diarrhea from new pills.  Call Doctor about new pills.  Ballet.  Girl Scouts.  School.  Calls from School.  Calls to the Doctor about school stuff.  More calls from school.  Hand holding.  Homework.  Marshmallow sniffing.  Cell phone buying.  New job getting.  Fatigue from new pills.  Napping endlessly throughout the day.
Life.  Basically.
And then some.
My brain is not functioning properly.  I wish all that is going round and round would just be still for five minutes/seconds.  Basically I will take any amount of stillness.
 Now that I am done complaining.
I am liking things I never thought I'd like.  And disliking things I use to love.  I can't decide if I am changing.  Or if the things are changing.  Maybe a little of both.
It came to me the other day that my son is the same age I was when I went through "The Change."  Not THAT change.  But what I call "The Change."  When I went from living with my mom to living with my dad.  And I realized how much I remember even though I'd rather forget some of it.  And I thought about  how he is remembering and I wonder if he'd rather forget some of it.  I hate putting all my stuff on him but sometimes it can't be helped.  I will always wonder if my children have/had it better.  That if I am giving them more than I had.  And more in the sense of love and time and hope.
 Hope is such a big word.

5.6.2018

Life doesn't seem fair  and I am a witness. "I don't believe in God" she says And I have nothing to refute it. I see...