Friday, February 28, 2014

endless winter

There is this place between February and March that feels endless. 
These weeks before the snow melts; that feels like Spring will never come.
Because as the sun rids the snow on the ground so too this feeling of depression.  
But in this moment, right now, it feels like it will never come.  
I so desperately want to wake with the sun. 
I want to  step outside without all the layers.  
I want to feel free of the cold.  
The achy hands and feet.  
The bone chill that never leaves. 
I want that feeling of rebirth only the Spring can bring.    

Saturday, February 1, 2014

carry on.

I can speak out of turn.  Or do something wrong.  I am human after all.  It's what humans do.  They make mistakes.
I wish that logic could be that simple for my mind to grasp.  But anxiety usually takes over.  Always takes over.
I ruminate.  Stew. Question my intentions.  What at that exact moment of indiscretion I was thinking, doing. Always a question of why.  I beat myself up.  Wonder when and if I will suffer forever for what I have done. Over and over I go over myself.   An endless cycle.
I think that sometimes it would great to be JUST human.  To be like those who can brush it off.  Go about your day.  Learn from mistakes and carry on.
Carry on.


I never knew much about my Grandfather's job.  I knew he was a police officer.  A Sergeant on the Chicago Police Force.  When he came ho...