Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Ramble On

I don't look at my stats much.  Curiosity gets the best of me.  I flat lined or Google Analytics is broken.
I have been getting a bunch of Spam on one post, so I set up comment moderation to field the spammers.  One post, it's a short post and everyday I am deleting more spam comments. The fact that I am deleting comments everyday makes me believe someone is coming here and the negative stats I am showing HAS to be wrong.  Right?   RIGHT?
The idea that I have no readers means I am talking to myself, but at least I am not answering back.  In the comment section.  With the spammers.
Is it possible to spam oneself.  I have been working on starting a little internet biz so I guess essentially I could spam myself.  Then I could hate myself for spamming myself and that would set me back in this whole self-healing thing.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Is there anything worse then a sick mama? 
Is there such thing as a mommy sick day, or is it just a myth?
Nothing like using my blog to bitch about my sickness, but it is my blog and I will do whatever I want.

This morning I woke up to two horrifying things....
  1. Dried boogers on my lips.  As the snot slowly dripped down my nose, it landed on my lips and crusted.  Do boogers have any nutrition value?  And contrary to what my three year old says: boogers do NOT taste like lollipops.
  2. Somewhere between bed time and waking up time Nolan had a bloody nose.  He had blood encrusted on his face, hands and hair.  It was a horrific sight.  Luckily he woke up before I did, because if I saw him in bed sleeping with all that blood I probably would have had a heart attack.  
The fact that I am typing this right now is a miracle.  I can hardly keep my eyes open, the pressure is pounding.  Not even the good stuff, you know the stuff you have to sign your life away for, is doing much of anything.  Shoving a nuzzle and injecting salt water is working somewhat.  And I ain't trying the Netti pot so don't even suggest it.  It scares me more then snakes and spiders and 6 year olds covered in blood first thing in the morning.
The good news is this sickness is that it has done wonders on my figure.  I lost like 5 pounds, awesome!  I had a twelve hour fast the other day and I walked out with a ginormous gauze on my arm and still had no desire to eat.  I forced down a Milky Way, because that is the only thing that taste good to me right now, chocolate.  Doesn't the saying go "A chocolate a day, keeps the doctor away."  Right?  RIGHT???

I am incoherently rambling now.  And I am seriously considering selling my Sudafed to a meth dealer, gotta get my money back somehow right?  Okay I am going to lay down.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

5 Facts/ 5 Minutes

I stole this MEME from one of the only blog I read every single  posts, Fever.  I played along in the comment section and realized I should save all that good stuff for my own blog.  Who am I kidding, some of my best stuff is in her comment section.  Anyhoo here is my 5 facts.....

1. I might do something that will pretty much ruin my bloggy reputation.
And don't ask me what it is cause I ain't telling you- I still haven't decided if I am going to do it.

2.I tell my husband that I like certain dishes that I make, but really I think they are gross and don't want to admit they are bad. Then I tell him I ate the leftovers for lunch, but really I throw the gross food out and I scarf down the kids mac and cheese.

3. I use dish soap in the dishwasher- I have perfected the perfect ratio so bubbles don't come out of the machine.

4. I feed off stress, some of my greatest ideas come when I am an anxious-stressed mess.

5. I watch Teen Mom. And I like it.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


Warm weather how I love thee.
My spirits are up.
My face is glowing.
And my computer sits idle.

Life is great!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Motherhood and Writer's Goo

Rainy days bring out the blogger in me.  My brain has been a giant pile of writer goo lately.  What is writer's goo you ask?  Well it kind of looks like this....

Wordle: Untitled

Great huh?
Actually life has been getting in the way.  Kids have been keeping me so busy.
Megan has entered this era of sassiness  spunkiness.  She is three and defiant.  I, like every other mom in the world, thought I skated by this moment of disobedience. Once two turned into three and three turned into three and half I thought I was safe.
Not so fast there Susan.
We are never safe, as moms, from that moment when our young toddlers realize we, as their wise parents, know absolutely NOTHING of what we talk about.
I swear the other day she rolled her eyes at me.  Maybe it was just my imagination.
I, of course, realize that a raincoat is protection enough from a rainy day; but I don't want to get all wet today.
She realizes we CAN go out in the rain and play, I can not divert her inside with my total selfish reasoning.  Her reasoning is smart and well thought out, so I feel have no other choice but to suck it up and play in the rain.  There goes my blogging time.
On the boy side it is homework and pain that comes with that.  I'll save you from that misery, because if you are a mom with kids that have homework you are already dealing with it.
I'll just share this statement I make EVERY day: "And for the record I hate homework too, it needs to be done, like the dishes an the laundry and your dinner." 
When did I turn into my mother? 

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Opposite Reaction

Last night I was angry with God.  I won't get into theology here.  I won't share what I believe.  All that matters right now is that I was angry with God.  He packed a shit load of grief at my door step in this short year.  None of that grief directed right on me, but that deep grief on the people I love the most.  I hate that I can't fix it.  I hate that I can't love more.  I hate watching people in deep sadness.  I hate watching the ones I love lose someone special to them.

The tipping point for me last night was reading a story from a dad who is watching his little one die right before his eyes.  I don't know this family.  I have never said a word to them, or seen their faces, but hearing their words of pain was enough to make me give the middle finger to that giant heavenly body.  I wanted to seriously drop kick God.

Now before you whip out your bibles and start quoting passages in the comment section, don't.  Really that doesn't work on me, it only makes me angry.  It pisses me off.  It doesn't make me less angry at God it only makes me more angry at you.  So save it for someone who won't delete your comments and wish dull pain on your left middle toe.
Really.  Don't.

I can be angry.  I can feel pain.  And I will NEVER deny anyone that same feeling.  Because it is all part of the process.  We all need to feel.  And denying those feelings are, to me, a greater sin then being angry with God.

Last night I wrestle with my feelings and came to some sort of answer.  I felt something release.  It doesn't take away the pain, it just makes it more manageable.  I can help and love more now, without wanting to inflict major pain on someone I can't see, but somehow know is there.

And tomorrow is another day.  I might be angry with God, and I know that is okay.  I feel lucky I can feel.  I know the opposite reaction of hurt is joy, and I will appreciate the joy more.


Yesterday was long but I made sure I did one me thing.  I'm trying it more.  Making it so I do one thing I want to do, not have to do or...